True Story From an Anonymous Contributor #7
When I was dating my husband, he treated me extremely well, was chivalrous and romantic, but I hesitated to commit because somehow I felt we lacked true, soul-felt intimacy. I felt like he was holding back somehow, like there was a part of him I just couldn’t get to. Eventually, I told myself this would change if we got married. After our wedding, I continued to I find myself feeling inexplicably lonely, incapable of truly connecting with this person I lived with and loved. Three years into our marriage, I stumbled on an account at the video store that he had hidden from me. When I had the history printed, it was a list of pornographic movies several pages long. After confronting him about it, he said that I had discovered his one dirty secret–the one thing he had never told anyone. He claimed he could stop whenever he wanted, but admitted he had begun watching porn when he was fourteen years old. He told me that he had kept it a secret because he didn’t want it to hurt anyone but himself. But he was wrong. His addiction hurt our children and our families and our friends when we divorced many years later. Above all, it robbed us both of years of true connection, of intimacy and closeness and love.