True Story From an Anonymous Contributor #4
I was married at age 21. At first everything was wonderful, idyllic. But it wasn’t very long before I found the porn on our computer. And it wasn’t just your regular, run-of-the-mill porn. It was violent, abusive, disturbing. Finding these images was devastating to me, being the Christian that I am, but it also explained some behavior in the bedroom that had surprised and dismayed me. When I confronted him about the images, he was furious. Somehow, I ended up feeling that it was my fault. That I wasn’t sexy enough, wasn’t satisfying enough.
We had our first child just a year later, a beautiful baby girl. My husband had begun to be more and more controlling of how I spent my time and with whom. He began to be more and more emotionally abusive and he had begun to apply some of the practices that he had picked up from porn in our sexual relationship, even though they made me uncomfortable. He continued using pornography, claiming I drove him to it, although he did admit that he had used it since he was a young teenager.
My baby was only a couple months old when I found the bruises on her tiny body. He claimed that I had put them there when I was sleep walking. I was so under his control at that time that I believed it. It took my baby going to the hospital for me to realize the reality of the situation.